Bond's Apartment

[Bond]

(Continued from Starbucks)

*I probably should have told her I lived in an abandoned apartment. I'm not ashamed of it.. It's just that rent is so expensive.. and I need to save up for the deposits.. I'm close though. Real close.. I figure in a month tops, I'll have enough money saved to get a real apartment. But I keep my place neat and orderly.*

"Well... I really don't have much either. The few things I do own, I found or bought second hand. My apartment is abandoned actually. But soon I am gonna have my own place in the city. I miss the things most people take for granted.... Like not having to find a place to shower. The church is good for that if you need a spot.

Anyway, we're almost there."

*We walk along and enjoy the quiet night... I keep looking at her out of the corner of my eye... I don't know why really.. Part of me expects her to realize who's she's with and leave I guess... It's actually more surprising that she's still there. I'm so used to being disappointed, I can't even imagine that she's gonna stay all night.

We reach my building.. Its an old brownstone.. Looks beautiful to me.. much more so than the sterile glass and steel of the city... It feels more like a home to me. We walk up the steps and I open the door for Aphrodite. I follow her in as she steps past me... Its really hard not to want to just stare at her.*

"I'm on the second floor... Its safer."

*I point to the stairs and we head up. The first apartment we come to has a padlock on the door.. thats mine... I pull out my key and unlock it. I tug the padlock off and turn the handle and push the door in. Aphrodite walks in and looks around.. not much to look at... an old Victorian couch is all the seating I have in main room. I found it and cleaned it up real nice. Its green and extra long so I can stretch out on it. I fall asleep most nights on it. My heavy blanket still laying on it. There's also a folding table with two chairs.... A milk crate serves as an endtable and bookcase.

I close the door behind us and put the lock on the door on the inside and click it shut.*

"Well this is it. Home sweet home. There's just four rooms.. This one, the kitchen, the bathroom, and my bedroom. The electric and water don't work but I have candles and a flashlight. I really only use this room and the bedroom. Feel free to look around."

*I stand in the entryway... very nervous now... Why? She's just a girl... but.. I dunno.. there's something about her... I can't just shrug it off.. I want her to like my place.. to like me.*

[~Aphrodite~]

We walk up the stairs my eyes watching everything around me. My special senses watching out for us. Its habit really. When I walk in the dark....I know now what lurks in the darkness....I shall not fall a victim. It appears safe enough as he opens the lock and I walk in. I'm immediately impressed. WOW...I smile really huge as I head straight to the small table with books on it. WOW...

"Ohhhh...ROGER, Look at all the books, however did you get so many.....I ... I .. WOW..."

I sit on the floor an immediately start flipping through them all. What his place looks like is immaculate. The Victorian green couch is amazing. The kids would flip to see this place. I smile as I sit there books in my lap, a smile on my face, I turn to wards him....
"You....You have a beautiful home...."

I look back down into the books....theres some Steven King novels...a few classics..such as Moby thingy...and even a book of poems...WOW....
I caress the back of the book of poems and open it....To dark to read but the smell of the book, the feeling of the book, its beautiful....my eyes well up with tears......

"I...I...don't know what to say.....None of my books are this great...I'm afraid you've put my few to shame.....You've got some really really nice works of art here Roger."

[Bond]

*We walk in and she immediately goes to the table with my books...I can't help but smile. Most people these days prefer audio books... or Reading online on the computers.. to find a true book-lover.. its a bit exciting really. I stand and stare at her a bit as she flips through my books.. Her face lit up like a child's at Christmas.. Haven't been many Christmases for me in a while..

I sigh at the few good memories I still have... It seems harder and harder to remember them.. since... well.. since what happened to me. I go through my nightly ritual and light a couple of candles to light up the room a bit... then I pull out my most prized possession from the coat closet... An oil lantern. Its an old camping lantern from what I've read. I don't use it often. The oil is hard to come by and a bit expensive.. but... Aphrodite is worth it.

I carry it over to the table and set it down on it and light it. It casts a soft glow about the room. Much better to read by. I pull out a chair and take a seat.*

"Please sit.. or on the couch... its all I have."

*I smile as she stands up and sits beside me in the other chair.*

"I found most of them.. some I traded for... You'd be amazed what you can find in these old abandoned buildings... I see you like poetry too... Let me recite my favorite... Its by Robert Frost.



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
"

*As I finish the poem.. I'm more than a bit embarassed... she's staring at me... I look away and fall silent.*

[~Aphrodite~]

The lantern I've read about in books....When he pulls it out...I am facinated. I stare at the light flicckering from the burning wick...so like a candle yet not....Its when he recites one of my favorite poems...not forgetting one word that I mist over....Twin tears roll down twin sides of my cheeks.

"Rog....er....that was beautiful...please don't look away....Its all beautiful....Thank you for trusting me enough to share it with me. I know it all means alot to you....but, it means so much more to me that you've allowed me into you space...to share..."

I reach over and grip his hand and squeeze slightly. Color flooding my cheeks in the soft lantern glow. Embarrased that I've reacted in such a way to someone I'm only yet beginning to see to for the first time. He's remarkable....yet he dosen't see it.

I place the book of poems in my lap and flip through till I find an old one from my past.....a haunting chilled one....I read the words slightly out loud...yet at a whisper...

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"

"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.


I close the book...tears rolling down my cheeks....That was the last words ever recited to me in the slums of Cosmo by my mother.....
I wipe the tears away from the book. i'd never want to ruin such a treasure with heartache.

[Bond]

*I look up at Aphrodite when she grips my hand.. My whole body feels like its on fire. I've been touched before.. well.. not exactly.. but never like that.. never had that kind of a reaction before...She makes me feel all... I dunno how to describe it... It just feels good and scary all at once. It feels empty when she pulls away.. I dont like it but theres no way I'm reaching out and taking her hand.. no way.

I listen and watch her face as she reads the poem to me. Its one I know as well.. My mom shared it with me as well.. a few times. But.. to hear Aphrodite read it it takes on a whole new meaning.. Literally in a whole new light.

Her cheeks glisten as she wipes away her tears... I'd seen her around the facilities.. but its like I am seeing her brand new with clearer eyes. I always just assumed she was no different than the others.. That she laughed and mocked me... I'm ashamed of myself for thinking of her that way now. She starts to hand me back the book of poems...*

"No.. You keep it, Aphrodite. It means more to you than it does me. And.. your friends might enjoy it too. Especially if you read to them. You read beautifully. And I have plenty of other books. I saw you looking at the Stephen Kings. Those are my favorites. There is a whole series called The Dark Tower. There were seven books in all. I have six... I never have found the last one... I have no idea how it ends. So I make up stories in my head sometimes.. to finish it. Someday I may find that last one... and know...."

*I look up and blush*

"Sorry... Rambling a bit there, huh? I don't get many visitors... You're the first actually."

[~Aphrodite~]

The sincerity in his voice calms me. His blush touches me.

"Thanks, Its a really lovely book.....I've a chapter left of this one...Pherhaps I can finish it here tonight and we can make a fair trade ehh? I've a book of his short stories....I think its called Everythings Eventual. I enjoy his work....He was a special author.....I don't think your rambling...I'm actually enjoy your company. I'm the one the younger ones look up to.....Its nice to be younger for once.....Thanks for the book though.."

I hold the book and clutch it to my chest. This book shall be guarded with my life. Special now are its words shared in one lone poem.

I look back up at him and wipe away the remaining tears.

"The facility was rough on you wasn't it? Don't think you were the only one. I lost base with reality for along time. I am now....WEll, we are now different for life. It wasn't fair for any of us. Those that I care for.....We have nothing this nice. I am so very proud of what you have accomplished....You should be proud of yourself too Roger..."

I take his hand into mine again and hold on to it. When I let it go earlier, it was like fire rushing up my arm.....His hand back into mine is the water putting out the fire.....It just feels so right there.....How could we have not made great friends long ago....It bewilders me......

I smile at him and before I realize it my face tilts toward his and I place a small kiss to his right cheek.
He jerks back...purplexed and now I'm embarrassed at my action, I quickly drop his hand and stand from my chair. I walk to his small window and raise the dark cloth covering it and peer out into the night. I can see a few twinkling lights in the night sky. Cosmo isn't as full of pollutants tonight as it usually is....I stare out there till I can regain my composure...

[Bond]

*Aprhodite speaks of Stephen King as if he is one of her favorites too. A small smile creases my face… If only she knew how much his words guide me. Especially The Dark Tower books… I wish to be a part of their ka-tet.. To have real friends who care for me… the way the characters in the book love eachother. Could she be that friend to me?

Why does she have to bring up THAT place though? Yeah.. I know it was rough on the others too.. The poking.. prodding.. the tests… the needles… Beaten and drugged just to see how my body would respond. Deprived of food, sleep, companionship.. just to be treated as a rat in a cage. Brutalized in ways I can’t even begin to think about much less talk about. I feel myself stiffen up inside… Closing off emotionally.

When she takes my hand I barely register it… The warmth.. the.. I don’t know what… But when she kisses me… I can’t describe it. My minds swirls and rushes like the waves crashing into the shore at high tide. I try to reach out to her as she pulls away… but I don’t even know what to say.. where to begin…

My life could be so good.. so great with Aphrodite in it… what do I say though?*

“I…. um… its just… I… I well… I’ve never had a girlfriend before…”

[~Aphrodite~]

The night sky here in the burbs clearly shows tiny specks of sparkling diamonds. The wind sings through the old abandoned building. It whistles an ancient love song as the diamonds add warmth to their words in my head. I look up into what I used to believe were the heavens. When he speaks of having a girlfriend I realize that I would very much so like to know and love Roger for the rest of my life....And in that he must know the truth of my past...my love for the facility.....yet....my love for freedom....

"I know Roger.....I ummm..."

I slowly begin to pull up the back of my shirt. My heart beat singing to a rhythm song of the wind. My mind steady on the long ugly scar from my past. Something that so few have seen. Desperate to prove something to Roger. I let the lower half of the scar show....I lift the shirt all the way over my shoulders. The scar even now burning like liquid heat through my skin.

"Ye see Roger....When I was rescued as I put it....It was from a beaten death. A tormented death. A death that I had dreamed would take me forever away from the pain. This scar is my guide. It saved me....only to lead me here to this point in time...to this special place.....I....I."

I lower my shirt and turn back around tears still in my eyes. The wind licking the Lateran flames inside their glass holder to spray wicked, yet enchanting shadows upon my face. The horror I shall never speak of tells its story, only in my eyes, only at this moment, and only to him. I slowly turn back to the sparkling diamonds that spray the night sky.

"Ye see Roger....I would take the pain of everything I had at the facility from them...just....just....."

I canna bear to say another word. I swallow hard and with a small turn I ease my body back down the wall closest to the window to the stars. My life now....meaning more to me at this time than ever before. Never have I showed another person at the facilities my scar....Or let my eyes tell the horror of my past. In this moment I send him the telepathy to know....Scared and yet, I feel a small burden lifted off my chest...I let a slow curve of a smile linger to my tear stained cheeks. The knowledge of what I wish to share told to him in one large glance.....

[Bond]

*I can’t look at Aphrodite at first.. I’m too embarrassed… Girlfriend??? We just met… And for books no less… she must think I am nuts or something…

Then.. then she really confuses me… she shows me a scar… long and ugly.. right up her back. My heart reaches out to her as I want to physically right now… All I can do is stare transfixed….

My immediate reaction is that the butchers at the facility did this to her.. but I am wrong.. very wrong… She views them as saviors… as heroes.. Our experiences so different… Its almost impossible to reconcile the two…

When she speaks however brief it is… I understand more… and my heart aches for her. My mind reeling… she was mistreated… maybe not as I at the facility.. but it pales to what was done to her before… beaten half to death and mutilated…

I grew up unloved.. but safe at least…. Aphrodite grew up on the streets as did many of the ‘children’ at the facility.. its one of the reasons they hated me….

I try to stand to walk over to her when her mind touches mine… I shrink back at first.. every other time I was touched this way at the facility it was an assault… a mental rape…. My mind poked and prodded as with the cattle prod that was used on my body.

This is different though.. the images are brutal.. but the mind is kind.. and gentle.. and loving… Its as a caress… something I only just experienced when I touched Aphrodite for the first time…

I don’t know what to say… what can I say? Nothing would be right…. So I stand up and walk over to Aphrodite… I slip my arms around her waist tentatively… then with a bit more confidence.. I hold her tight and stare out at the stars.*

[~Aphrodite~]

As Roger lifts me up from the floor and pulls me into his arms and turns my body to stare out the window....My heart melts. In one simple movement no words are needed. He has shown me so so much in one small gesture.

I lean my head back into his chest and close my eyes. I listen to the still enchanting wind play the love song against the old building. Its when his heart beat joins in with it in my ear that a smile turns up on my face and the tears dry up and go away. My mind simply at peace at this moment. My secret out to someone I instantly know I can trust with my life. Under his shirt I can feel his taunt muscles begin to relax as he holds me for this first time. A first time for us both I think...The first time for many more first times......I slowly turn around...no more need to watch the stars. I wrap my arms around his waist lean my head back into his chest and again close my eyes listening to his heart beat with the wind....ignoring anything else.

[Bond]

*I swallow hard as Aphrodite turns around and faces me in my arms.... I've never felt this way before.. never held a girl before... Her hair smells wonderful... Like lavendar. And her body is warm against mine.. warm... and... tingly. I don't know how else to describe it. She causes goosebumps to raise on my arms.. but in a good way... a very good way.

I really don't know what to say to her. I'm afraid to say anything really. No matter what I try to say.. or how I try to say it... I know I wll screw it up. It won't come out right. I'll hurt her feelings or make myself look stupid.. Most likely both. I continue to stare out at the stars... Holding her tight... My heart pounding away in my chest. I don't know if she expects me to say anything.. but this moment feels as perfect as it can be.

To trust me.. completely.. with the secrets of her past couldn't have been easy. Her faith in me.. a total stranger until now... I've never experienced it before. I can only hope to be worthy of her trust. I know I want to be. I know I will try to be. I should tell her about my time at the facility... but I cant... not yet...

If she knew the truth of what happened, she would pity me. I dont need pity.. I bite my lip and lay my head on top of hers. I close my eyes and hope that this moment never ends.*

[~Aphrodite~]

As he sits his head on mine I lean deeper into his chest...It feels so right so....honest...I can;imagine myself being with anyone else at this point in time...

I reach up with my hand and stroke his cheek...then I raise my head up tears still lingering in my eyes and I kiss him...this time not on the cheek but in the lips....My tongue searches his lips for an entry....I moan someplace deep in my throat....Moan from finally finding a soul mate...a partner and person that I can trust with my life....

"Thank you Roger....For trusting me"

Then I lean back into his chest.....eyes closed again....smelling the masculine aroma of his body and hearing his heart race against his chest.....

[Bond]

* "Thank you Roger....For trusting me" Its her words as much as the kiss.. my first! That bring a smile to my face…. A big cheesy goofy smile.. but I don’t care… I haven’t got a care in the world.

I went to work this morning… worried… afraid.. alone… now though, I am filled with hope, caring, compassion, warmth. It feels so different. So much better. I can hear her thoughts.. Feel her emotions… She feels as I do for her. I don’t know how much she can read from me though. I’ve always been so shut off. So closed down. I was trained to hide my thoughts. Bury my emotions. As much by my life experiences as by the doctors at the facility. I try to open up to Aprhodite. So that she may understand my experience.

Their perfect experiment. The complete manifestation of all they hoped for. A weapon to manipulate and control. I can’t hate them though for what they did to me. As I got stronger, the beatings stopped… At least from those of the other twenty that would attack me. I was still poked, prodded, beaten just to see how quickly my body would recover. Trained in the arts of fighting. Excelling in boxing and wrestling. Finally, I could defend myself. Stronger, faster, more agile. I still despised it. I fight to defend.. never to attack… never for revenge… Though I have more than enough reason to wish it.

I also cannot hate the doctors, for without my past... I wouldn’t have reached this present. With this wonderful girl. This half of me I never dreamed existed… This… love? How much of this passed to her? All? Some? None?*

“Stay here with me, Aphrodite. At least for a few days. I don’t have to work tomorrow. I know you have responsibilities.. But stay with me anyways.”

*I kiss the top of her head. Her long silky hair so soft against the skin of my neck and cheeks. Finally after several more minutes pass in silence, I break our embrace and take her hand in mine and walk to the couch and sit. I turn to Aphrodite and kiss her… Her lips so soft… My first kiss that I initiated… My first love.*

[~Aphrodite~]

His chin on my head...I begin to feel him open slowly till I can feel Warmth, compassion, and happiness radiate out of his middle. I begin to understand little bits and pieces of his existence at the facility....Horrid beatings....Yes...we were all inflicted with those....Every last one of us...made to lust for the blood...made to love the bite....made to be freaks...Yet...now I do not feel a freak ...I feel slightly blessed with my new abilities...I am blessed to have escaped...bless to have meet Roger for the "first time"...He has grown into my chest now...My own heart thumping in my chest blood flooding my senses in rapid currents...
Before I know it he is asking me to stay....moving me to the couch kissing my head....holding me as dear as a newborn babe.....I do not pull away...instead I lean in to him....Try to push out my heart....Try to make him use what he has to feel me. I reach my hands up and take off his glasses. I close his eyelids....

"Feel Roger, Listen"

I place his hand on my chest on my heart....The beats rise and fall as my breathing does....Breathing is not something we need....its just something we do out of habit...Like eating food...All we really need is the blood....yet....we still eat it...

I close my eyes and let my mind drift to his....I soothe his mind with reassuring phrases...

"I shall not harm you Roger....I like you....I want to stay with you....I've duties that I have to attend to during the days...Yet....the nights can be yours...if you want me..., Feel Roger....Use it...Feel PLease do not be afraid of what we are....of what I am...."

I take my hand off his to touch his cheek...a soft yet gentle caress.....I listen for his mind to let me in yet only a shadow of hurt and abuse I can feel...I calm it....I let my fingers trace to this neck...to stroke his jugular vein....To make his feelings a bit more intense.....

"Let me in Roger....please...."

Nothing but a whisper in his mind I speak it.....

[Bond]

*At first, it feels so right... To hold Aphrodite in my arms is like holding onto my dreams... My dreams of a friend. She could be that and more than I ever imagined. Her words... her gentle touch. All sets me at ease.. all brings my mind and body into oneness.

She brings my hand to her chest and I flush with excitement. I can feel her as she breathes.. Our bodies in rhythm.. my breathing to hers... my heart beating to hers... hypnotic almost... so soothing. So peaceful and relaxing.

She would stay with me.. be my companion in the nights.. no longer alone in the cold darkness. Ashamed and afraid. All that she sees.. All that she feels I have accomplished... All just a front so that I can feel normal.. Forget the past.. as if it never happened.

Yet Aphrodite goes a step further with her mind. Reminding me of the past.. I feel my body tensing up.. struggling against her touch.. against her embrace.*

"No... no... please no... Do not... NO!"

*I struggle away from Aphrodite and twist off of the couch. My hands to my chest.. Eyes wild and alert. Staring down at her. All of the trust we had been building... gone... gone in an instant... Replaced with horror.. and confusion.*

"Why Aphrodite? Why would you do that to me? Do you not understand that I hate that place? I cannot.... will not... ever.... speak on what was done to me there. I know well what was done to the others. You don't understand.... You cannot.. It went well beyond beatings.. beatings.. were a blessing for what they did not do instead..."

*I shake my head and shudder as I speak.. sinking to the floor and to my knees.. my head held hanging in my hands as I shake.*